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the legend of

by squab squawk

supported by
Colleen Proppe
Colleen Proppe thumbnail
Colleen Proppe I love your music! Truly impressed. I hope you continue with it. Thanks for putting your art out there. :)
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1.
shared a cigarette and sadness and i felt so seventeen under the sparsely starlit night on the back porch, unseen and it was cold much like yr touch and it was dark much like yr eyes and the smoke escaped into the sky another tiny factor in the atmosphere’s demise three weeks back, i felt so free another night of apathy, but my company didn’t give a fuck— a valuable lesson for me. so i hit eighty-five with the windows down and i couldn’t help but think of how amazing it was that i didn’t need you now but i still took the long way home so i could pass by your house six months back, we were a spectacle of nervous laughs and bad decisions closed mouths and cautious words plus historical revisions still, even now, i cannot tell if that’s really what you meant or if you’re just a mess of perfect accidents I remember bashing my forehead into the steering wheel repeatedly, trying to make the car express the noises i could not a honking substitute for swears and impossible pleas I don’t miss this… but you still don’t hear me.
2.
open up 03:21
open your heart open your mouth open your legs open your soul open your mind open your eyes and let go do you know what i want you to do i’ll do anything you ask me to do you know where the time has gone it’s time to run so go on we fucked the truth we fucked ourselves over and over and over again this is our time to make it right i’ll win you back come back to life and let go.
3.
withdrawal 02:08
baby, please i'm not so well i should not try anymore i want you to only come for me but my heart and i know that ain't right as soon as i talk to you i cannot wait to say goodbye so i can collapse into a million pieces the second you walk away i cannot handle how i feel and it's never felt so visceral before
4.
if ever 02:20
if ever i go crazy, i mean crazier than before i leave it up to you to bring me ashore or take me down and ensure i get what i deserve and if ever you wanna leave me, well i’m not gonna argue with that not to say i wouldn’t fight to the death just to keep you around but should you go, you can go because i love you so if ever you might need me more than i’ve ever needed you that’s some fucking uncharted territory i’m not sure what to do is this even you? but if ever that day comes just say the word and say no more and i will come running down the 101 please don’t change your mind and i’ll keep running
5.
exhaustion 01:57
i think i know by now what you’re going to say “i’m sorry you have to hear this, but it’s the only way” or “i’m sorry i’m hard to deal with but there’s nothing we can do” but i thought i’d take my chances. don’t you know that i wanted to? there’s just so much to undo, so much more to lose i still can’t quite believe you tried to make me choose as if i had options. but that’s not how i roll yet i thought it would be easier. now it’s taken its toll on me i’m not gonna say that you fucked me over but you led me to believe that i could be your savior i know you’ll say you didn’t say you didn’t try to warn me as you stare and sigh at your ashy shoelaces forlornly i wish you would believe me when i say that you’re worth it but it’s getting hard to tell when our words have gone to bullshit this wasn’t supposed to be this hard. is it harder for you? don’t mean to be so resigned, but what the fuck am i supposed to do? tell me, what do you expect me to do?
6.
i could tell from your cold, conflicted hand that you’ll never let me in, you won’t let me win. and i understand, you’re tired of my tirades. still, i won’t let you fade… ‘cause i know nothing else. you could tell from the mackerel skies and the desperation eyes, how much trouble you’re in. so what the hell, all the things you yell about won’t help yourself get out. you could tell because i think too fucking loud, leaving nothing to dispel, nothing is withheld. i could tell that the contrails near the sun didn’t speak to anyone except for you and me. the shapes still lingering in your heart and mine are mismatched and misaligned. nothing meaningful to find. though you could tell that in your waking dreams, nothing is quite as it seems, what’s the difference when you’re up no one could tell from the crepuscular rays. five hundred fifty days never passed so faithfully. diverge into the sea. just a few more sleeps until you’re free from me, until you’re free of me for good. and the stars can’t tell what the fuck is going on, no one can tell but time. but i can’t wait that long.
7.
friends, they got your back now no they’ll never back down they found you smoking in the shadows recounting your mistakes and when you tried to run they cried, “just give yourself a break” and with the wettest eyes, you said “oh, i’ve tried so hard. lord knows i fucking tried so hard” what am i supposed to say to the lord above? that he’s fucked up his whole promise of love? that is not what he meant. no, that is not it at all. and either way, i’m alone, ‘cause there’s no way that my own soul can be saved from the wretches of bad decisions.

about

songs from 2009-2013. most of these have been floating around on the internet already in some version or another. but they're worth having in one place. despite all being from different points in my life they fit together quite nicely. this concludes the squab squawk trilogy. not a bad run

credits

released February 4, 2015

AP - everything
ALL ME, BABY

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Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

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squab squawk Santa Cruz, California

i'm AP and i'm really sloppy
The Shitty Elliott Smith™

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