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when i kept count

from the legend of by squab squawk

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about

written in 2010, recorded in 2011
@ dorm room, ucsc

lyrics

shared a cigarette and sadness
and i felt so seventeen
under the sparsely starlit night
on the back porch, unseen
and it was cold much like yr touch
and it was dark much like yr eyes
and the smoke escaped into the sky
another tiny factor in the atmosphere’s demise

three weeks back, i felt so free
another night of apathy, but
my company didn’t give a fuck—
a valuable lesson for me.
so i hit eighty-five with the windows down
and i couldn’t help but think of how
amazing it was that i didn’t need you now
but i still took the long way home
so i could pass by your house

six months back, we were a spectacle of
nervous laughs and bad decisions
closed mouths and cautious words
plus historical revisions
still, even now, i cannot tell
if that’s really what you meant
or if you’re just a mess
of perfect accidents

I remember bashing my forehead into the steering wheel repeatedly,
trying to make the car express the noises i could not
a honking substitute for swears and impossible pleas
I don’t miss this… but you still don’t hear me.

credits

from the legend of, released February 4, 2015

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squab squawk image

squab squawk Santa Cruz, California

i'm AP and i'm really sloppy
The Shitty Elliott Smith™

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